As Time Goes By

So many days I don't write. So many things in my mind. A mixed up mind. Don't know what to do first. Cook the meals, wash the clothes, pay the bills, do my art work, pray or simply lay in bed. I feel dizzy as I've been feeling the last 2 weeks. Found out my blood pressure became a bit high and doc says it's probably for a great amount of stress.I don't know. I've been going through check ups. At home, nobody cares much if I'm all right or not, because they keep asking me to do the same things they use to ask me for. Nobody believe me I don't feel good lately. It's if I'm supposed to be The Superwoman forever and ever. But I'm not. I never wanted to be The Superwoman. I am an avarage woman who is awfully tired of housekeeping, who is awfully tired of dogs inside the house and the mass they do around. I'm tired of not having vacations for so many years. I think it's been more than 20 years I don't know what is travelling in vacations. So I think I have many reasons for being tired out. I also can not stand anymore any complains. Please, can someone hear me I'm TIRED. Awfully tired. Need some rest. Need to get away from everything that worries me, scares me, consumes me. HELP!!!!!!!

It's Hard to Believe

                                                             
Today I feel as I am this dry leaf. Dry and just by my own.

Spent almost all day long taking mom to doctors appointments, buying medicines and trying to stay in a good mood. Not easy at all. First we've spent more than an hour for the doc to arrive. Then, mom was tired of waiting and asking me to take her home. Winthin an hour late doctor arrived and we had a nice talk about mom and her health problems. A young but very good doctor. I felt confidence on him. Later on I bought the new medicines and she started taking them tonight. But will have to check her blood every week to see if white blood cells are all right.

It's hard to believe mom is slipping away. It's a weird sensation to figure it out mom is going slowly but going away...I feel so bad...and she tells me all the time she loves me so much and that I'm the best thing in her life.
Wished I could be a stronger woman and accept all the things that belongs to our human beings as getting old and dieing. But I still have to learn a lot about these subjects.

I'm really really tired out. Can't stand all the things I have to do.Tonight I don't even have energy to talk to write or to do anything well done. Better get some sleep.

Just Wondering...

1.Getting older and watching people doing so, makes me think of so many stupid things we do because we don't ever think time goes by...

2.People knows nothing about me. I'm just like a very fresh Onion. Have many "coats" to unwrap. It's not easy to come close to my heart. I have a broken heart. No one can mend it.

3.Persons fascinate me but also destroy me slowly and frequently.

4.I like painting, drawing and writing but I don't like cooking. It's very hard for me cooking because I'm not good enough in the kitchen and I hate when I cook with all my love and someone says that what I've cooked tastes like junk. I'm tired of that.

5.What you see it's not myself, it's someone fake, someone I create in order to save myself. To save my soul.

Watercolour by Mia (all rights reserved)

Where am I right now?

Where are my eyes, my skin, my lips, my body??? I really don't know. I feel as if I am in a cloud. I feel weird. As if I'm not who I am. Sometimes I think I'm a witch who is far from home. Sometimes I think I'm dust in the wind. Just like says that song Sarah Brightman used to sing. I feel unconfortable inside myself when I think I can laugh, I can sing, I can dance and my mother is dieing very slowly. She recognizes everybody. But she doesn't know what day is today, how old she is, if she had lunch or not. She thinks the Cops are comming to arrest her and take her to prision. She is scared all the time. Every car that passes by she thinks it came to get her and dad to prision.She calls me many times a day to tell me the same stories, I feel so sorry and can not do much to change things.Only tell her how much I love her and that everything is all right. But it's so hard for me to see a strong woman as mom, the way she is now. Skinny, frighten, lost. God help me to stand that suffering.

Sharing some feelings

Well, I'm here again, trying to share some of my feelings and at the same time trying to hide them from the ones I know. Because the ones  around me are already very tired of hearing the same talks and the same complains.
They can not help me anymore...

Why it's so hard to educate our children nowadays?
Why it's so hard to make them believe us that what we say it's for their safe?
Why it's so hard to make fathers listen to what mothers say about their own children?
Why when we are in love to someone we never think ahead???
Why we are not wise enough to think about the consequences of a relashionship not based in love?

Drawing by Mia Montana (all rights reserved)

Why it's so hard to accept things we are not able to change???

First Post

I'm here just to talk, just to write about things one can not change, about things one has no power to modify.

I'll write about life, about love, about human relashionship, about friendship, about family, about anything that touches my heart in a very special way. 

When you have someone that listens to you, you probably don't need to write about those things'cause someone hears you. But even when you have this, sometimes there are moments you want to stay by yourself and just think. And  if you don't find a friend shoulder, it's time to find a paper or a blog. Even to talk to your own, which it's great too.That's the way I feel right now.

Drawing by Mia Montana (all rights reserved)

Here, I'm Mia Montana. And I promise whoever reads this blog you will find many Mias in just one. "Cause one day I might be very happy and the other day I might be kind of lonesome, just as in the song "Waltz for the Lonely", which I love.